My best friend has been up to date with everything that has been going on. She told her friend about it, the friend told her husband about it and suddenly on Monday I am sitting at a Starbucks with a renown CEO. The interview went well and I’ll be probably flying to Austin for a second interview.
Even though I was thankful for the endorsement and happy with the interview, I felt sad and empty. I slept all afternoon and skipped my yoga class.
On Tuesday, I felt the same. I missed my job and the employees. Having so much time for myself drives me bonkers. I have been cleaning my house so many times this week, that there’s nothing else to clean. Fortunately I had lunch with a friend and afterwards I went to play a paddle tennis match, which I lost.
When I was done, the Pro Shop clerk told me that my boyfriend —who is no longer my boyfriend— had been there earlier, buying some grips. He asked him if I was currently playing in the club…
The news punched me straight in the stomach. The club is my space. He buys grips in other sports stores. The intrusion made me angry and the stalking made me scared.
I left the club around 10:30 pm. I made a pit stop at the 7-Eleven for some milk and when I returned to my car, The Burning Man was parked right beside me. I wanted to disappear. He said hi. I said hello and got into my car. I started the engine and drove. He followed me home. I went for my dog and as soon as they saw each other, this big feast began between them. I felt happy because they love each other so much, but this wasn’t the right timing, we were over. I saw his sad eyes and felt the sweetness in his words. I wanted to hold him so much, but I kept my distance and my position.
Once he asked why did I leave that way, I told him the bold truth: I am tired of your marital status, if I were a priority in your life, you would’ve been divorced by now. But instead, your wife takes a nice vacation in Banana Town with extra money she doesn’t deserve, while I haven’t had a vacation in two years. I am sick of working my ass off to earn less than your free rider wife does. “When is she going to work for Christ’s sake? It’s been seven years since you left her. Are we supposed to support her until she dies?”
I am also sick of your anger, your screaming, your monologues and your humilliations. I am sick of your ingratitude and your negativity. You don’t see me, you don’t hear me, everything is always about you.
I asked for a raise, because I deserve one. I have made you richer by obstructing employee cash theft, by decreasing costs, by bringing clients and by pushing you to a money savings lifestyle. You didn’t agree with the raise, you offered me to leave the company and find another job so I could earn more money while you would still pay my salary. What am I? You’re hooker?
He found the right answer for all the facts. Blaming me for each one. Turning things around like he usually does. He didn’t scream though, he was calm and working a constructive negotiation. He asked me to dinner or lunch during the week so we could talk, I said no. I don’t believe in his words, I believe in actions. It’s been two years and we’re still having the same discussions with no results.
I told him we could be friends in the future. I thanked him for all the nice things he did for me and apologized for leaving the job without previous notice. Before he left, he said he was about to lose a lot of money beacuse no one was taking care of my client accounts. I was expecting the guilt card, and there it was. I said I would go and solve the problem —which I would love to do because I love my work— but I was lying, I just wanted him to leave. He asked if I could unblock him from my phone. I said yes, but I was also lying. I needed to protect myself and no contact means no contact, even though it breaks my heart.
He left. I didn’t cry. It’s over. I miss him. I miss us.