I need a job. Fast.
I enjoy being by myself. I enjoy being around other people. I don’t enjoy being with The Burning Man. I am still here because I work for him and I need to pay my bills.
I don’t share any time with him or talk to him on the phone after work.
Today I left the office early and he called. I was in therapy, I muted the phone and didn’t answer. I was about to text him with another one of my excuses, but I didn’t feel like messaging him. I can’t keep on lying. It’s too much. It makes me uncomfortable and anxious. But not texting or calling him back makes me feel guilty.
I asked myself two questions after he called: 1) Do you want to call him? 2) Do you want to text him? I answered NO to both questions and promised myself I wouldn’t feel guilty about my decision.
I arrived to the tournament and enjoyed myself. It’s my space. I met some nice people from Argentina and had a great time. I also won my match, 6-1, 3-6 and 6-2. I’m ready for the semifinals tomorrow.
There’s only one thing… I feel guilty.