Obligation is a heavyweight word. It’s a no choice situation which defeats freedom.
I grew up with a strict mother and understood at a very early age what the word “obligation” meant. She didn’t care if I liked spinach soup or not, I was not allowed to leave the table until I ate it. End of conversation.
The best part about growing up is gaining your freedom. I have no obligation to eat a soup I dislike because I can choose not to sit at a table where it is being served.
As a childless woman, my only obligation is to pay my bills. I have a simple life. I choose whatever I want to do, and whenever I want to do it.
A few weeks ago, my boyfriend’s daughter, who is twenty nine years old, sent this message to me: “I know you are not family, but if you want the best for your partner I think you should advise my father to come to my cousin’s wedding. The best thing for him is to be with his family.”
As I read the message I felt I was traveling back in time. There it was, an obligation I never acquired with an emotional blackmail bonus.
The issue is very simple. My boyfriend is still in the process of a divorce. The soon to be exwife behaved very poorly a year ago. She told her kids, my boyfriend and I, that I was a moneygrabber whore who tore her family apart.
After the incident, she apologized. I forgave her but I didn’t forget.
Flying with my boyfriend to his niece’s wedding while her soon to be exwife is there, is not in my bucket list. If they were legally separated, I would have given it a second thought. I didn’t.
He decided not to go on his own and his daughter got mad and sent me to a guilt trip —which I didn’t redeem.
While the wedding was taking place, my boyfriend an I attended our friend’s triplets baptism at noon, a funeral at night and played golf on Sunday.
Not a bad reward for having the courage to say no.